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Do the inner work: how to focus on your feelings

alignment, brain, build awareness, choices, coaching, compassion, connection, control your thoughts, courage, fear, feelings matter, focus on your feelings, focus our thoughts, growth, heart, inner work, life coach, mindset, noticing your triggers, out of balance, patterns, process your feelings and emotions, release, suppress feelings, suppress our feelings, unprocessed feelings, willpower, wisdom

It’s easy to get caught up trying to focus on change without doing the inner work. We want the quick fix: tell me what I need to do to get the results I’m looking for.

A lot of coaching is performance-based, which is great for short-term goals and wins.  This coaching will often provide you with tools and habits that you can integrate long-term for life changes. However, it’s easy to get the win and then fall back into old habits. This is the difference, in part, between transactional versus transformational coaching.

While the inner work coaching that I do works great for short-term goals and wins, the real benefits are the long term changes that happen as you integrate wisdom into your life.  Continue reading Do the inner work: how to focus on your feelings

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Brutally honest: how about we try being sincere with compassion?

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Professional and personal communication is one of my biggest challenges. As an INTJ, I can be brutally honest, speaking my mind without sensing the effect my words and tone have on others.  I just blurt out what I want to communicate without considering whether it’s the right time or place to do so.

I’ve found I have better skills when I write it all out in an email or written correspondence. But this misses many nuances and can be misunderstood.

At the other end of the spectrum, I clam up when the emotional environment hits like a battering ram. Continue reading Brutally honest: how about we try being sincere with compassion?

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How to be aware of your triggers and concealed rewards

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Most of us have emotional triggers that we aren’t aware of until we blow up or “lose it”. These learned responses helped us to survive unpleasant situations (often in our childhood).  Unfortunately, those very habits (cues/triggers, course of action or response, and rewards) that allowed us to survive in childhood now sabotage or hamper our growth and relationships.

I’m not talking about PTSD triggers: those are at another level, where it’s not merely a habit. These triggers actually require deeper assistance, such as therapy.

These habitual responses are survival tactics, often learned in our childhood. I adeptly overlook and sidestep the bigger issues when I ignore the hidden rewards of my habits.  The slowing down of 2020 gave us much needed time to sit and do the inner work of looking at our survival tactics.

Be grateful for triggers: they point where you are not free. -Anonymous
Be grateful for triggers: they point where you are not free. -Anonymous

Even 2021 has shown me (especially on social media) how I respond to certain types of posts and comments. There are people that I have been tempted to block “for my peace of mind”. Nonetheless, my commitment to healing and working on myself continues. So, I decided that rather than block them (or engage or shoot back), I would make time to actually look at where I have lost my freedom to respond gracefully.

Continue reading How to be aware of your triggers and concealed rewards

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Burnout: discovering meaning, passion & purpose

I recently wrote a blog post on my personal blog about the road to burnout.  The signs, signals, and symptoms that burnout was around the corner were obvious:“When you’re burnt out, you often no longer see yourself as an agent of change in your own life. It feels like all your efforts and your choices no longer impact your outcomes.” Emilie Aries, surviving to thriving

  • exhausted
  • energy depletion
  • mentally distant
  • problems “getting the job done”
  • sense of failure & self-doubt
  • insomnia & chronic fatigue
  • constantly falling ill
  • emotional exhaustion
  • anger issues, cynicism
  • depression & anxiety
  • forgetfulness & inability to concentrate
  • withdrawal

But I had ignored them, blaming them on my auto-immune disease (Celiac). I continued pushing myself. I blamed the chronic low-grade stress in my life on my illness. And I mistakenly thought that my problem was my mindset, time management, and the need to establish clearer priorities. Continue reading Burnout: discovering meaning, passion & purpose

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mBraining: ancient wisdom or neuroscience?

mBraining: ancient wisdom or neuroscience? Using your multiple brains to do cool stuff. Enteric neural network, intelligence centers, Wisdom, compassion, courage, compassion

In 2012 Grant Soosalu & Marvin Oka published mBraining: Using your multiple brains to do cool stuff. This book studies in depth the scientific knowledge that is finally catching up with esoteric and spiritual traditions (ancient wisdom) that are, in many cases, thousands of years old, introducing a new coaching style called mBIT: multiple Brain Integration Techniques.

This book and the techniques that they introduced answered a fundamental dilemma that most of us are faced with at one moment or another:

  • Should I follow my heart? 
  • No, I should use my head.  
  • Perhaps I should trust my gut.  

Which inner wisdom should you choose?

Continue reading mBraining: ancient wisdom or neuroscience?