Professional and personal communication is one of my biggest challenges. As an INTJ, I can be brutally honest, speaking my mind without sensing the effect my words and tone have on others. I just blurt out what I want to communicate without considering whether it’s the right time or place to do so.
I’ve found I have better skills when I write it all out in an email or written correspondence. But this misses many nuances and can be misunderstood.
Most of us have emotional triggers that we aren’t aware of until we blow up or “lose it”. These learned responses helped us to survive unpleasant situations (often in our childhood). Unfortunately, those very habits (cues/triggers, course of action or response, and rewards) that allowed us to survive in childhood now sabotage or hamper our growth and relationships.
I’m not talking about PTSD triggers: those are at another level, where it’s not merely a habit. These triggers actually require deeper assistance, such as therapy.
These habitual responses are survival tactics, often learned in our childhood. I adeptly overlook and sidestep the bigger issues when I ignore the hidden rewards of my habits. The slowing down of 2020 gave us much needed time to sit and do the inner work of looking at our survival tactics.
Even 2021 has shown me (especially on social media) how I respond to certain types of posts and comments. There are people that I have been tempted to block “for my peace of mind”. Nonetheless, my commitment to healing and working on myself continues. So, I decided that rather than block them (or engage or shoot back), I would make time to actually look at where I have lost my freedom to respond gracefully.
And suddenly, in a flash, 2018 is ending & 2019 is upon us. I spent the first 15 days of December on Facebook talking about how to take your heart’s desires & convert them into heart-led goals. And the reason that I took 15 days to talk about this – not one hour – is that I think the topic is simply profound. Yes, it’s profoundly simple. But it’s simply profound. I don’t believe we are served by being ruled by our emotions.
However, if you want to live without regrets, then you need to live the best version of yourself.
You can’t live a lie. You have to follow your heart.
– Paul Weller
Imagine yourself with this beautiful view of the ocean, and like the girl in the picture, you’ve found yourself a comfortable place to sit on the rocks to admire the view. And so, for a moment, you sit. In silence. Enjoying the moment.
But at what moment does this comfortable spot on the rocks begin to get uncomfortable?
Do you start to notice your legs first, or perhaps your back where you are leaning against the rocks? Maybe it’s simply the back of your heel, where your foot rubs a sharp piece of rock or roots.
When do you decide that this perfect view and the comfortable spot is now uncomfortable? It’s time to stand up and move on?