I grew up in the eighties and nineties when “girls can do anything” was our everyday motto. This strong drive for independent women had shaped so many facets of my life that I failed to notice when I crossed the line from an independent woman into hyper-independence.
I struggle to ask for help.
Worse yet, I fail to accept support and connection from others and then will be the first to complain, “why do I have to do everything myself?”.
A new book club group kicks off in early July. We will be reading Colin Tipping’s “Radical Forgiveness: A Revolutionary Five-Stage Process to Heal Relationships – Let Go of Anger & Blame – Find Peace in Any Situation”.
What to expect in our book club:
As the book has 30 chapters, we will be meeting over ten weeks and discussing three chapters each week. You should read in advance and come ready for the discussion. Join us for the meeting if you still get behind in the reading.
Great relationships, connections and networking are built on the foundation of emotional intelligence. It’s not enough to pretend to control your feelings, but rather to be fully in touch with your emotions and use them resourcefully.
Although you might have heard of emotional intelligence as if it were a single skill, several different skills and practices come together that allow you to stay in touch with your emotions and those around you.
Typically, there are four key areas to emotional intelligence: self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management. The nine skills in self-awareness that I will share with you overlap with all four of these areas.
Last year I trialled a new coaching program with clients for Ditch the Diet & Face the Feelings. It gave clients the option of three 20-minute accountability calls each week rather than one weekly coaching call. The results from it were astounding for those clients used to dieting and weekly weigh-ins.
Most of us have emotional triggers that we aren’t aware of until we blow up or “lose it”. These learned responses helped us to survive unpleasant situations (often in our childhood). Unfortunately, those very habits (cues/triggers, course of action or response, and rewards) that allowed us to survive in childhood now sabotage or hamper our growth and relationships.
I’m not talking about PTSD triggers: those are at another level, where it’s not merely a habit. These triggers actually require deeper assistance, such as therapy.
These habitual responses are survival tactics, often learned in our childhood. I adeptly overlook and sidestep the bigger issues when I ignore the hidden rewards of my habits. The slowing down of 2020 gave us much needed time to sit and do the inner work of looking at our survival tactics.
Even 2021 has shown me (especially on social media) how I respond to certain types of posts and comments. There are people that I have been tempted to block “for my peace of mind”. Nonetheless, my commitment to healing and working on myself continues. So, I decided that rather than block them (or engage or shoot back), I would make time to actually look at where I have lost my freedom to respond gracefully.