Most of us have emotional triggers that we aren’t aware of until we blow up or “lose it”. These learned responses helped us to survive unpleasant situations (often in our childhood). Unfortunately, those very habits (cues/triggers, course of action or response, and rewards) that allowed us to survive in childhood now sabotage or hamper our growth and relationships.
I’m not talking about PTSD triggers: those are at another level, where it’s not merely a habit. These triggers actually require deeper assistance, such as therapy.
These habitual responses are survival tactics, often learned in our childhood. I adeptly overlook and sidestep the bigger issues when I ignore the hidden rewards of my habits. The slowing down of 2020 gave us much needed time to sit and do the inner work of looking at our survival tactics.
Even 2021 has shown me (especially on social media) how I respond to certain types of posts and comments. There are people that I have been tempted to block “for my peace of mind”. Nonetheless, my commitment to healing and working on myself continues. So, I decided that rather than block them (or engage or shoot back), I would make time to actually look at where I have lost my freedom to respond gracefully.
Many of us have a life that others envy – picture-perfect to the outside eye. And yet, it may not be filled with joy, especially when we lose our way. We reach a place where we can no longer see the forest for the trees – caught up in the day-to-day, like a hamster on a wheel. People only see the parts of the “photos” that we crop and filter to them. We project an image of ourselves (even our families) that are far from reality.
We hide any signs of struggle – doing our very best to live up to everyone’s expectations! What does it take to get out from under – from surviving to thriving?
I recently came face to face with some shadows of my past. While I took to blogging as part of processing my feelings, I also got in touch with two other mBraining coaches (Sarah & Wendy) that I regularly do sessions with and I asked for help to process my loss of direction. I needed assistance to get in touch with my naturally evolving wisdom.
I know the importance of dealing with these emotions and issues when they arise: one of the biggest mistakes I typically make is that I want to fix it for everyone else as well. Nonetheless, the only person that I can change and work on is me. I am responsible for how I respond and what I do.
Next right step
So, I found myself in a place where I needed clarity on “what is my next right step forward?”
Yesterday I supervised a coaching session where the trainee coach was working with a “client” to identify their values. And I realised that for myself, it was really important to re-examine this area of my life, which I took time doing this afternoon! I recognised that as life changes, so had my priorities!!
I wanted to share two things with you:
The purpose of core values elicitation. Why do coaches spend time eliciting their clients’ values? What’s the purpose and “value” in doing this?
My core values and how I define them: what do they mean to me?