Most of us have emotional triggers that we aren’t aware of until we blow up or “lose it”. These learned responses helped us to survive unpleasant situations (often in our childhood). Unfortunately, those very habits (cues/triggers, course of action or response, and rewards) that allowed us to survive in childhood now sabotage or hamper our growth and relationships.
I’m not talking about PTSD triggers: those are at another level, where it’s not merely a habit. These triggers actually require deeper assistance, such as therapy.
These habitual responses are survival tactics, often learned in our childhood. I adeptly overlook and sidestep the bigger issues when I ignore the hidden rewards of my habits. The slowing down of 2020 gave us much needed time to sit and do the inner work of looking at our survival tactics.
Even 2021 has shown me (especially on social media) how I respond to certain types of posts and comments. There are people that I have been tempted to block “for my peace of mind”. Nonetheless, my commitment to healing and working on myself continues. So, I decided that rather than block them (or engage or shoot back), I would make time to actually look at where I have lost my freedom to respond gracefully.
Inner conflict shows up in so many ways, shapes and forms. Some say that the more mental beliefs, ideals, expectations, and desires we have, the more likely we are to suffer from internal conflict.
Sometimes, it is a mental conflict, such as a cognitive dissonance — inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes.
Other times, it feels worse: caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, this is what I “should” do, but this is what I want to do. Or perhaps, you even want both things, they just seem to be diametrically opposed to each other. Confused about the options and choices you are faced with, you wonder how to resolve the conundrum. Continue reading Inner Conflict: resolving with mBraining
You can’t want a “should”… I mean… you should want it… but it’s hard to want a “should“. Well, near nigh impossible!
As a toddler, we are really clear on “this is what I want” – either I “want it” or “I don’t want it”. As a toddler, we never have that confusion over “I should want it, but I don’t really”. Our “no” is clearly enunciated at two years of age!
Unfortunately, as toddlers, we also learn that if we cry, we will probably be fed! When my little one was a baby and she would cry, we would typically: