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Heart-led goal setting: self compassion

heart-led goal setting, compassion, love, connection, wants, desires, feelings, emotions, self-care, self-love, love of self, love of others, creativity, thoughts, analysis, rational, critical, analytical, courageous, motivated, motivation, movement

And suddenly, in a flash, 2018 is ending & 2019 is upon us. I spent the first 15 days of December on Facebook talking about how to take your heart’s desires & convert them into heart-led goals. And the reason that I took 15 days to talk about this – not one hour – is that I think the topic is simply profound.  Yes, it’s profoundly simple. But it’s simply profound.  I don’t believe we are served by being ruled by our emotions.

However, if you want to live without regrets, then you need to live the best version of yourself.


You can’t live a lie. You have to follow your heart.
– Paul Weller

Not some pipe-dream in the future of who you will become. But rather the person that you are – here and now. And the best version of you is the one that practices self-compassion. The person that lives connected, deeply & truly, with him/herself and others.  The person that consistently shows compassion to him/herself and others.

“Don’t think too much, you’ll think your whole life away. Just stop, close your eyes, and follow your heart. I guarantee you, it knows the way.” AnonymousSo often, we think that there is a battle between the heart and the mind. There is no need for any battle.  You have everything you need within you. If you are truly heart-led, there is no need for battle, because you completely understand the need to use your logical & rational mind in your decision-making to reach the best possible decision for yourself.

When you stop confusing passion and purpose with attainment – being with having – you stop seeking purpose in the outside world.  Then, you allow yourself to be guided deeply by inner purpose.  Just remember, that inner purpose may show up as being a multipotentialite – a hummingbird – not simply a singular purpose & passion.

I am blessed with inner wisdom, which emerges as I focus on listening with my heart, pondering and analysing thoroughly, and listening to my gut.The challenges of heart-led goals

Many of us, as I said already, confuse heart-led with “ruled by your emotions”. This is not what heart-led refers to.

Being lead by your heart is not about jumping from one project to the next, succumbing to emotion after emotion, or failing to include thought in the process of setting your goals.

Heart-led goals will consider the obstacles & challenges that need to be faced – understanding that there will be moments it will be hard.  There will be sacrifices to be made.  You may have to choose between better and best – and sometimes that choice will not be clear.

Heart-led does not mean to throw caution to the wind – because that’s not how you tap into the wisdom of your multiple brains.

Better than just head-based decision-making

Most of us have learned to decide with our head brain – “the mind”. We look at our goals – envisioning, planning – breaking it all down into bite-sized pieces to execute. Then, we meticulously organise our time & energy.  We set priorities regularly.

But many times, these goals leave us feeling empty – as we are consistently and constantly living in the future, not actually in the present moment.

Because of the emptiness, we start to push ourselves hard – becoming more determined.

“Don’t let the mind tell your heart what to do. Your mind gives up much too easily.” AnonymousBut all this living in our heads – leaves us feeling unhappy & unfulfilled.  When we stop to ask ourselves “What really matters?” we feel that we have let ourselves down.

Your head is full of judgement. Over-thinking.

Your heart, on the other hand, can feel compassion & love.  For yourself. For others.   And that compassion allows us to feel, to forgive and cut ourselves a little slack.

Nevertheless, there is a challenge of aligning your over-all purpose with the actions that you take.  With consistently acting in a way that reflects those priorities.  When your actions are not aligned with that purpose, despair and stress set it.  Then we start to overthink and prioritise the wrong goals.  We feel stuck.  And we lack the courage to move forward. Many times, it feels like we cannot tap deep within to reach that courage.

But what about my needs?

One of your concerns about allowing heart-led goal setting may be that your mind thinks it needs to override your heart in order to take care of your needs.  And yes, your needs should be taken into account.  But, if you are truly lead by your heart – acting with self-compassion, not just ruled by your emotions – you will truly consider your needs.

And while you may have a need for security, when you listen to your heart (and even your mind), you realise that you are not truly comfortable in your comfort zone.  You have simply gotten used to the discomfort.

Better the devil you know.

Your heart knows when you are stuck in a comfort zone – uncomfortably comfortable, so to speak. You may feel repulsion or rejection in your gut. Or perhaps you’ve lost the fire in your belly.  Sometimes, you simply are feeling anxiety or constriction in your throat.  In any case, you get used to living with this discomfort, of things being slightly off – because you have learned to feel secure in this place.  You know what to expect – even if it’s not really all that great.

The fear of the unknown is much greater than the fear of staying.

But is this who I really am?

“Following all the rules leaves a completed checklist, following your heart achieves a completed you.” Ray Davis

As you sit in that fear of the unknown – acknowledging the discomfort of the comfort zone you have created – as yourself this:

What matters the most to me?

Does the safety offered by your comfort zone truly outweigh the value of your heart-led dreams?

Ask yourself: “Are my actions aligned with my inner values?  Do I outwardly reflect – through what I am doing – who I am?”

When you outwardly reflect your inner values – respect grows.  Each time you fail to act in alignment with your values, you lose a little piece of self-respect. You feel disheartened. Life no longer inspires.

“When you follow the dream in your heart, you’re energized, inspired, and motivated.”
Dr. John F. Demartini

Are you feeling defrauded? Are you left with a completed checklist, rather than a completed You?

So, how do you set heart-led goals that are rational?

Create with the heart,
Build with the mind.
–Criss Jami–

Know that you possess, within yourself, an intelligence greater than simply your mind!

heart-led, goal setting, dreams, goals, coach, coaching, life-coach, life of my dreams, follow my heart, lead by the heart, heart led, visualization, visualisation, imagine, imagination, problem-solving, decision-making, happiness, satisfied, fulfilledYour inner wisdom – that which appears when you listen to your heart and then build upon that with all the resources of your mind – is a beautiful thing to explore! It appears when you follow your heart and then ask your mind to put at these dreams & desires disposal the following amazing abilities & possibilities:

  • creating solutions
  • creating possibilities & opportunities
  • listening to the voice of the inner critic – tempering with self-compassion
  • identifying the obstacles
  • clearing the fears
  • listing your resources & abilities and
  • analysing methods & plans.

You have all of that within you.

Even more than this, you have the still small voice within that guarantees your safety & security, if you would simply tap into your deep identity of self.  Then – you will find that perfect balance between a human being and a human becoming.  A place of satisfaction that you are on the way to becoming who you dream of, while you are being the best version of yourself today.

The only person that holds the perfect solution for you – is YOU.

It already lies within you  – simply waiting to be discovered.


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1 thought on “Heart-led goal setting: self compassion

  1. […] for others. You already know to expect obstacles. So, in spite of the situation, allow yourself to return to the desire that fuels the dream. What is your end game? How do you want to express compassion – for yourself or for others […]

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