As I learn about forgiveness, I realise the first requires acknowledging the existence of my pain & feelings. They say Dis-Ease comes from Unforgiveness (Louise Hay). We carry around, within our body (emotions that we haven’t allowed to pass through), the pain.
My definition of pain is simply this: Please. Acknowledge. Information. Now. And until we acknowledge the information – until we name the pain – we cannot forgive!
In my spiritual studies, reading Paul Hasselbeck’s “Point of Power“, I learned “events are simply neutral“. God (the Universe if you prefer) is not trying to “teach me a lesson”. In fact, the events, themselves, do not teach me anything. I, on the other hand, am the one choosing what lesson I learn from any given event or situation. As Paul says:
I am the point of Power;
I am the one who chooses the lesson I learn.
Nobody can “push my buttons” or “force me to react” a certain way. It is my thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and attitudes that determine how I choose to respond. What I think results in how I react.
Because I choose my reaction to a certain situation or event – I choose what baggage I carry forward with me. I do not control the event – only my response to that event. Only the meaning and importance that I choose to give it.
Many times, we are not ready to deal with the pain, anger, and feelings that a situation or event has brought us. So we choose to bury our pain & grief. We “swallow our tears”. And we avoid those feelings – marching on in life, without having actually addressed the depth of being.
Unfortunately, through pushing them down, we unknowingly have packed those emotions into our being. And conscious of this intention or not, we choose to tie up our personal identity with a given event, or with roles, activities & relationships. Then, at the moment that we decide “I want to forgive and let go of this baggage I have been carrying all this time” – we discover that we have to release part of our identity! We identify so much with that event or the way that event impacted us and made us feel, that part of our identity is now tied to that feeling or way of being.
And, since we want to maintain our identity, because we have this innate need to “know who I am” – we fail to release that pain!
I don’t know who I am without this pain.
mBIT coaching – using your multiple brains
Because of this identification with the pain – with the feelings – this not knowing who you are without that pain you have been carrying – when we start a “forgiveness & release” session, I will typically start with mBIT coaching.
mBIT – multiple brain integration techniques – allows us to work with each center of intelligence to identify where you are holding the pain that needs to be released. Often, we discover feelings (heart), thought patterns (head) and core identity (gut) issues that all need to be addressed in the forgiveness exercise. This is not unusual.
We will work through questions like:
- what am I feeling?
- what emotions arise when I think about this event?
- how would I prefer to feel?
- what is blocking me from feeling this way?
- what are my thoughts regarding what happened?
- how has my perception affected the way I view these events?
- what meaning did I give to this event?
- will I need to change any thought patterns that I currently hold?
- how has this affected my identity – who I say that I am?
- what part of my identity do I need to release in order to release this emotion & event?
- who will I be, if I release my relationship with this event, situation or person?
- am I willing to forgive and release all of this?
- what difference will forgiveness make in my life?
We may choose, at this step in the process, to use EFT – emotional freedom techniques. EFT helps to move energy within our body – like doing acupuncture, without the needles. The EFT often helps us to simply start the flow of emotions (energy in motion) – so that rather than being stuck in our body, it flows once more.
Once we have completed a full identification of what needs to be forgiven and released, the Ho’oponopono forgiveness sequence can be used.
I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
Ho’oponopono presupposes something very vital: that I am responsible for everything in my life that I am aware of. So, once I have awareness of an event or situation, it is within my power to forgive and cleanse from this.
This comes back to the idea that I mentioned at the very beginning:
“I am my point of Power”
Small steps of forgiveness:
Whether we choose to say “I love you” to ourselves, to God (Universe / Source / Infinity) or to another person – the most important part of this exercise is our connection with the compassion in our hearts.
When we say I’m sorry – what are we sorry for? We may be sorry for holding onto this pain rather than acknowledging it and feeling it at the time. We may be sorry for all the time we have allowed to pass without having addressed the forgiveness and release process. Perhaps we are sorry for the bitterness we have allowed to grow in our hearts. And in many cases, we are sorry for the reflection in our lives of what has occurred.
Perhaps the situation was one of violence
- We are sorry for the times we spoke violently
- I slammed a door violently
- We wanted to hit someone
- I violently pushed someone away
- I failed to act with compassion and love
It’s not necessarily about THAT particular act of violence – it’s about the violence in general that we recognise within ourselves. And as we clear that within ourselves, we release it from our being and the world as we experience it!
Please forgive me – you may choose to ask yourself for forgiveness, or God or another person. The most important part at this point is recognising the role we play in this game of life.
And finally, we accept release and letting go, by saying Thank you.
How many times have you asked for forgiveness – but not accepted the release and letter go? It’s not enough JUST to be sorry and ask for forgiveness. The most important step is to accept the release it brings!
Closing with EFT:
It’s also possible to close with EFT – as EFT has a number of great “anchoring” aspects – for anchoring a new belief or thought pattern that we want to adopt.
What do you need to work on today?
What baggage are you carrying that needs to be released?
How would your life be different if you would simply let it go?